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Tag Name "Penises" (17)

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Penises are literally all around me all the time, and have a lot of influence on the world, on my world.
Rachel Zucker
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No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight will for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!
Kevin Myers
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Birth is of course violent. Menstruation is violent. Trust me, if men's penises opened up once a month and shot blood, we'd be hearing about the violence of it.
Lidia Yuknavitch
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I'm not a real big fan of penises. Like my own, whenever I look at it, I just don't find anything attractive about it. I can't believe girls are into it. It blows my mind a little bit.
Pete Wentz
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If he's at this party, I want you to stay far away from him. Shouldn't that rule apply to you, and Jules, too? Unless your penises make you magically bulletproof.
Suzanne Brockmann
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If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.
Zach Braff
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Men's brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.
Bette Midler
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Those things [t hydraulic penises and prosthetic butts and all that] can be what's genuinely shocking about the movie [Swiss Army Man] because people wouldn't expect to be moved by any of it.
Daniel Radcliffe
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If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.
Greg Fitzsimmons
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It's not that I don't like penises. I just don't like them on men.
Lea DeLaria
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The paper does not provide the exact number of penises eaten by ducks, but the author says there have been enough over the years to prompt the coining of a popular saying: 'I better get home or the ducks will have something to eat.
Mary Roach
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I don't write very much about penises. More than some poets but not perhaps as much as I should.
Rachel Zucker
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Three men at McAlester State Penitentiary had larger penises than Lamar Pye, but all were black and therefore, by Lamar's own figuring, hardly human at all.
Stephen Hunter
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
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Women don't have dicks and they don't want dicks. That amateur psychology crap that women want penises. And they certainly don't want testicles. Because you know no women in her right mind is going to carry around a bag that she can't put stuff in.
Bobby Slayton
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Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
Eugene Mirman
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Happy family: The existence and maintenance of [this] is thought to make a politician fit for public office. According to this theory, the public are less concerned by whether or not they are effectively represented than by the need to be assured that the penises and vaginas of public officials are only used in legally sanctioned circumstances.
John Ralston Saul