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Cabaret Artist Inspirational Quotes (526)
Page 1 of 22
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Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
Doug Stanhope
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
W. C. Fields
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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