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Aphorist Inspirational Quotes (5897)

Page 18 of 246
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Ambrose Bierce
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MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.
Ambrose Bierce
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Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.
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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
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DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.
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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
Ambrose Bierce
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Ambrose Bierce
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Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Ambrose Bierce
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
Ambrose Bierce
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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When you doubt, abstain.
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
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Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Ambrose Bierce
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Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
Ambrose Bierce
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