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Aphorist Inspirational Quotes (5897)

Page 16 of 246
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SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose having a divine character inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions as... the Cow in India the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt.
Ambrose Bierce
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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
Ambrose Bierce
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
Ambrose Bierce
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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
Ambrose Bierce
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PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
Ambrose Bierce
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Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.
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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Ambrose Bierce
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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.
Ambrose Bierce
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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
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GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
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Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
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PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.
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HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that
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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.
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Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
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Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.
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Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.
Ambrose Bierce
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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
Ambrose Bierce
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Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.
Ambrose Bierce
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