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Satirist Inspirational Quotes (2486)

Page 4 of 104
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
Stephen Colbert
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Remember that guy who got gored by a bull and the bull pulled his underwear off and he had to run around the ring naked? If that footage comes out, I'll run that.
Jon Stewart
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
Stephen Colbert
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I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.
Jon Stewart
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In nature a repulsive caterpillar turns into a lovely butterfly. But with human beings it is the other way round: a lovely butterfly turns into a repulsive caterpillar.
Anton Chekhov
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A hundred percent of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.
Steve Aylett
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Then worms shall try That long preserved virginity, And your quaint honor turn to dust, And into ashes all my lust. The grave's a fine and private place But none, I think, do there embrace.
Moliere
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The real challenge is when I'm at work, I'm at work. I'm locked in, I'm ready to go, I'm focused. When I'm at home, I'm locked in and I'm ready to go and I'm focused on home. We don't watch the show. We don't watch the news. We don't do any of that stuff. I sit down, I play Barbies. And sometimes the kids will come home and play with me.
Jon Stewart
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Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only open nagging questions: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?
Jon Stewart
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Love, friendship and respect do not unite people as much as common hatred for something.
Anton Chekhov
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I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits - and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones!
Al Yankovic
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Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB.
Al Yankovic
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I think my chances of ever making it into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli’s.
Al Yankovic
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I'm a music fan, and I can listen to the radio, or music, without thinking, How am I going to screw this up? [Laughs] If I'm really actively trying to think of a parody, then I'll have my antenna out, and be a little more proactive about it.
Al Yankovic
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In fact, when I come up with an idea for a parody I try to resist the urge to Google the idea to see if someone has done it already because the answer is almost always, Yes, of course they have, they've thought of it!
Al Yankovic
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I'm free to do what I please, I'm probably not going to do albums. Just because I think releasing tracks as singles is a better way for me to stay topical.
Al Yankovic
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I've always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it! Whereas if I wrote a movie script, chances are better than even that I'd just be another guy in L.A. with a movie script in his drawer.
Al Yankovic
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Sometimes I get, Have you ever thought about doing real music? I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.
Al Yankovic
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I try not to go the obvious route all the time, but sometimes the most obvious is actually the best.
Al Yankovic
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One of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every three or four years.
Al Yankovic
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You don't need to be defined by your job.
Al Yankovic
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There aren't that many superstars around anymore.
Al Yankovic
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Probably 90 percent of my albums have polka medleys.
Al Yankovic
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It's hard to force creativity and humor.
Al Yankovic
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