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Satirist Inspirational Quotes (2486)

Page 22 of 104
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If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there.
Anton Chekhov
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You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Dave Barry
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They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.
Dave Barry
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The cure for the evils of democracy is more democracy.
H. L. Mencken
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The world is, of course, nothing but our conception of it.
Anton Chekhov
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You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
Dave Barry
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Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.
Dave Barry
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Better to perish from fools than to accept praises from them.
Anton Chekhov
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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
Stephen Colbert
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It is the writer's business not to accuse and not to prosecute, but to champion the guilty, once they are condemned and suffer punishment.
Anton Chekhov
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One had better not rush, otherwise dung comes out rather than creative work.
Anton Chekhov
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You have the establishment and then you have the hippies revolting against the establishment, and what you end up getting are like accountants with long hair. And that's kind of what happened with the youth movement in the '70s.
Mark Russell
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Nothing can come out of an artist that is not in the man.
H. L. Mencken
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The public scandal is what constitutes the offence: sins sinned in secret are no sins at all.
Moliere
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To dine, drink champagne, raise a racket and make speeches about the people's consciousness, the people's conscience, freedom andso forth while servants in tails are scurrying around your table, just like serfs, and out in the severe cold on the street await coachmen--this is the same as lying to the holy spirit.
Anton Chekhov
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The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
H. L. Mencken
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The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation of being well-to-do.
H. L. Mencken
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Art, especially the stage, is an area where it is impossible to walk without stumbling.
Anton Chekhov
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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
Dave Barry
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I live on good soup, not on fine words.
Moliere
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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
Dave Barry
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A tin horn politician with the manner of a rural corn doctor and the mien of a ham actor
H. L. Mencken
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I never agree with Communists or any other kind of kept men.
H. L. Mencken
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They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite.' And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?
Jon Stewart
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