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Satirist Inspirational Quotes (2486)

Page 19 of 104
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Whenever I write anything that sets up controversy its meaning is distorted almost instantly. Even the editorial writers of newspapers seem to be unable to understand the plainest sentence.
H. L. Mencken
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I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who the group is. It's laughable to say that The Miami Herald's editorials or any newspaper's editorials represent any views other than those of the people writing them, so why don't we tell everybody who they are?
Dave Barry
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Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by an appeal to the unintelligible.
H. L. Mencken
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A man of active and resilient mind outwears his friendships just as certainly as he outwears his love affairs, his politics and his epistemology.
H. L. Mencken
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What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
Dave Barry
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That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
Jon Stewart
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When fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
H. L. Mencken
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Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother.
H. L. Mencken
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Dave Barry
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
Jon Stewart
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Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
Dave Barry
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To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
H. L. Mencken
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Some immemorial imbecilities have been added deliberately, on the ground that it is just as interesting to note how foolish men have been as to note how wise they have been.
H. L. Mencken
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
Stephen Colbert
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Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
Dave Barry
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I give you Chicago. It is not London and Harvard. It is not Paris and buttermilk. It is American in every chitling and sparerib. It is alive from snout to tail.
H. L. Mencken
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In 1982 I was playing soccer at William and Mary, and a kid from Randolph-Macon called me a kike. I ran after him. 'I'm not a... well, yes I am.
Jon Stewart
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That's a big part of my life - doing things that I'm not prepared to do. Doing things that I don't know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them. I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I'll catch up.
Al Yankovic
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen Colbert
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He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.
Anton Chekhov
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There's something inherently comic about the fact that politicians make things worse by worrying too much about something.
Armando Iannucci
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The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.
Jon Stewart
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A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.
Stanislaw Lem
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Beans, beans, the magic legumes - the more you ingest, the more you consume.
Al Yankovic
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