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Satirist Inspirational Quotes (2486)

Page 18 of 104
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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
Stephen Colbert
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Osteopath--One who argues that all human ills are caused by the pressure of hard bone upon soft tissue. The proof of his theory isto be found in the heads of those who believe it.
H. L. Mencken
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Love is photogenic. It needs darkness room to develop
H. L. Mencken
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As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.
Dave Barry
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For what are myths if not the imposing of order on phenomena that do not possess order in themselves? And all myths, however they differ from philosophical systems and scientific theories, share this with them, that they negate the principle of randomness in the world.
Stanislaw Lem
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Experience is what you get while looking for something else.
Federico Fellini
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I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.
Dave Barry
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Complete masculinity and stupidity are often indistinguishable.
H. L. Mencken
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By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
Dave Barry
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Here is tragedy - and here is America. For the curse of the country, as well of all democracies, is precisely the fact that it treats its best men as enemies. The aim of our society, if it may be said to have an aim, is to iron them out. The ideal American, in the public sense, is a respectable vacuum.
H. L. Mencken
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It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
Stephen Colbert
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I would like to be a free artist and nothing else, and I regret God has not given me the strength to be one.
Anton Chekhov
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A woman can become a man's friend only in the following stages - first an acquantaince, next a mistress, and only then a friend.
Anton Chekhov
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Sometimes I feel something akin to rage At the corrupted morals of this age!
Moliere
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Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if you watch what I do, that's almost never the case. I'm just trying to keep the balloon in the air. It rarely turns into anything combative.
Stephen Colbert
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Our minds need relaxation, and give way unless we mix with work a little play.
Moliere
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Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates.
H. L. Mencken
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The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
Dave Barry
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
Stephen Colbert
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There are books of the same chemical composition as dynamite. The only difference is that a piece of dynamite explodes once, whereas a book explodes a thousand times.
Yevgeny Zamyatin
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New-born desires, after all, have inexplicable charms, and all the pleasure of love is in variety.
Moliere
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In the first few seconds an aching sadness wrenched his heart, but it soon gave way to a feeling of sweet disquiet, the excitement of gypsy wanderlust
Mikhail Bulgakov
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I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art!
Al Yankovic
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen Colbert
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