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Satirist Inspirational Quotes (2486)

Page 13 of 104
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
Stephen Colbert
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
Stephen Colbert
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Hypocrisy is a fashionable vice, and all fashionable vices pass for virtue.
Moliere
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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.
Stephen Colbert
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Man's greatest weakness is his love for life.
Moliere
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The time's come: there's a terrific thunder-cloud advancing upon us, a mighty storm is coming to freshen us up....It's going to blow away all this idleness and indifference, and prejudice against work....I'm going to work, and in twenty-five or thirty years' time every man and woman will be working.
Anton Chekhov
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Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.
H. L. Mencken
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Great Jove angry is no longer Jove.
Anton Chekhov
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The speed of her tongue is not correctly calculated the speed per second of her toungue should be slightly less than the speed per second of her thoughts -at any rate not the reverse.
Yevgeny Zamyatin
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Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
Stephen Colbert
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It may cost me twenty thousand francs but for twenty thousand francs, I will have the right to rail against the iniquity of humanity, and to devote to it my eternal hatred.
Moliere
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Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary.
Jon Stewart
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Time is a great legalizer, even in the field of morals
H. L. Mencken
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Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.
Mark Russell
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Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
Dave Barry
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
Dave Barry
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It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.
H. L. Mencken
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I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called fear of success.
Jon Stewart
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
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I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day and said, I'm going to sit here in a ball and rock back and forth. And won't you join me for a half hour of sadness.
Jon Stewart
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I am not a liberal, not a conservative, not a believer in gradual progress, not a monk. I should like to be a free artist and nothing more.
Anton Chekhov
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Cultivated people should be superior to any consideration so sordid as a mercenary interest.
Moliere
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What gave you this idea of an imperfect god?' 'I don't know. It seems quite feasible to me. That is the only god I could imagine believing in, a god whose passion is not a redemption, who saves nothing, fulfills no purpose--a god who simply is.
Stanislaw Lem
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And it is the way with us that you may express disapproval of the sun or the moon, or anything you like, but God preserve you from touching the Liberals! Heaven forbid!
Anton Chekhov
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