X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Satirist Inspirational Quotes (2486)

Page 11 of 104
Filter & Style
Image
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
H. L. Mencken
Image
She wanted to cry, but she did not want Peter to see her cry, and she especially did not want Teacher, with her flowing hair, to see her cry.
Dave Barry
Image
When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
Jon Stewart
Image
Is a mountain only a huge stone? Is a planet an enormous mountain?
Stanislaw Lem
Image
Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
Jon Stewart
Image
Only one who loves can remember so well.
Anton Chekhov
Image
Fractal litigation, whereby the flapping of a butterfly’s wings on one side of the world resulted in a massive compensation claim on the other.
Steve Aylett
Image
God may not play dice but he enjoys a good round of Trivial Pursuit every now and again.
Federico Fellini
Image
Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.
Dave Barry
Image
There's little money in theatre.
Cyrus Broacha
Image
I have to admit that he was not bad at combinatorial analysis - a branch, however, that even then I considered to be dried up.
Stanislaw Lem
Image
If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Your friends love you anyway.
Dave Barry
Image
9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
Jon Stewart
Image
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barry
Image
If everyone were clothed with integrity, if every heart were just, frank, kindly, the other virtues would be well-nigh useless.
Moliere
Image
A dull, dark, depressing day in Winter: the whole world looks like a Methodist church at Wednesday night prayer meeting.
H. L. Mencken
Image
Life is a crisis - so what!
Malcolm Bradbury
Image
Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.
Jon Stewart
Image
People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy.
Anton Chekhov
Image
I am aware of myself. And, of course, the only things that are aware of themselves and conscious of their individuality are irritated eyes, cut fingers, sore teeth. A healthy eye, finger, tooth might as well not even be there. Isn't it clear that individual consciousness is just sickness?
Yevgeny Zamyatin
Image
Age brings about everything but it is not the time, Madam, as we know, to be a prude at twenty.
Moliere
Image
I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
Stephen Colbert
Image
The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.
H. L. Mencken
Previous
Next