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Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29295)

Page 4 of 1221
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The cliche of the nerdy kid who doesn't go outside and just plays games is completely untrue. And it's also true for the nerdy kid who studies comic books and turns into this genius, and it is also true for the nerdy kid who listens to every nerdy thing that Led Zeppelin put out. That kind of obsession in a 16-year-old is not ugly. It's beautiful.
Penn Jillette
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And the most interesting natural structure? A giant, two-thousand-mile-long fish in orbit around Jupiter, according to a reliable report in the Weekly World News. The photograph was very convincing, and I'm only surprised that more-reputable journals like New Scientist, or even just The Sun, haven't followed up with more details. We should be told.
Douglas Adams
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
Groucho Marx
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
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I was just utterly oblivious to how difficult it was, and how difficult it was going to be, and then also in the mid-eighties through the mid-nineties there was a boom of sorts. So there were plenty of stages. If I had started now, there would be very few places to get better and better.
Janeane Garofalo
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My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.
Norm Crosby
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
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If you look at my eyes when I'm dancing, you'll see that glazed look.
Ben Stiller
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Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed.
Jay Leno
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Jeff Foxworthy
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The reality is [in] any emotional situation, a compulsive eater eats or an alcoholic drinks. What people misunderstand is that when you're a compulsive overeater, you don't just eat when things are bad. You eat when you feel anything.
Jeff Garlin
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Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
Doug Stanhope
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There's nothing quite like a Scotch education. One is left with an irreparable debt. My head is full of irregular verbs still.
Ivor Cutler
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It's just one of those things like when you're not supposed to laugh, it makes it that much harder to stop laughing. And for some reason Zach [ Galifianakis] and I get in this feedback mood of giggling, and on the set of Hangover we just couldn't get through stuff.
Ed Helms
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You can't just say there is a god because the world is beautiful. You have to account for bone cancer in children
Stephen Fry
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Facebook, instagram - I prefer visual communication better than verbal. But I read all the comments, answering too.
Verka Serduchka
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Listening to albums and records is not the best way to percept Verka Serduchka. Live shows are the place where you can feel that specific atmosphere, that is not going to be the same ever.
Verka Serduchka
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As I was not a good singer - I have started to sing. And because no one could write an appropriate song for me - I started to write songs by myself.
Verka Serduchka
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Do not encourage my behaviour.
Carlos Mencia
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The fact that I haven't been married might qualify me as belonging in the nutty category to a lot of women.
Thomas Haden Church
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In Men in Black, it was a very small character, no pun intended.
Verne Troyer
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Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control, you are birth control.
Bill Maher
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I'll be one of the Who's of Whoville.
Verne Troyer
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