X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29300)

Page 31 of 1221
Filter & Style
Image
With all the trouble black people have, they try to forget on weekends. You've got to be good to make them laugh.
Flip Wilson
Image
There's a communist living in the White House!
Victoria Jackson
Image
I think all the knowledge and all the travels that I've done, I'm going to do a lot of great work in the future.
Chris Tucker
Image
We stock up on popcorn and candy like we're crossing the Sierras, don't we? I'll have a couple of soft pretzels, a hot dog, Milk Duds, Snocaps. Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? You don't have a barrel or anything like that? Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? - Oh, and a Diet Coke.
Ellen DeGeneres
Image
You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
Jeff Foxworthy
Image
Medicine really matured me as a person because, as a physician, you're obviously dealing with life and death issues, issues much more serious than what we're talking about in entertainment. You can't get more serious than life and death. And if you can handle that, you can handle anything.
Ken Jeong
Image
If you have no brothers and sisters it defines you for life even when you're thirty you refer to yourself as an only child.
Russell Brand
Image
God is like a shitty girlfriend.
Louis C. K.
Image
It's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parent's responsibility to learn who the child is.
Tig Notaro
Image
Obviously the audience has veto power signified by whether they laugh or not, but you-not them-retain the ultimate power to decide what they're going to get the opportunity to laugh at.
Franklyn Ajaye
Image
I've never worked with a tail, that I can remember. But there's so much I can't remember.
Ron Perlman
Image
Death is the monster we all fear, yet with each day, we walk toward it, and can't help doing so we can't help but walk toward the one thing we're most trying to avoid.
Bill Maher
Image
Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.
Sarah Silverman
Image
I used to think that you could get to a level of success where the laws of the universe didn't apply. But they do. It's still life on life's terms, not on movie-star terms. I still have to work at relationships. I still have to work on my weight and some of my other demons.
Chris Farley
Image
For days on end, I would hardly speak, and when I did only the vilest sort of gibberish would spout forth. I became morose and fat. Unapproachable, except when eating - and then only by waiters.
Bette Midler
Image
Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.
Walter Matthau
Image
To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.
Walter Matthau
Image
The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.
Walter Matthau
Image
It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.
Walter Matthau
Image
Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.
Walter Matthau
Image
We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?
Walter Matthau
Image
I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.
Bob Hope
Image
I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.
Walter Matthau
Image
I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.
Walter Matthau
Previous
Next