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Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29300)

Page 30 of 1221
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
Jackie Mason
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Well, there's nothing strange about Americans as a whole. But, Angelinos are different!
Paul Hogan
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
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People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.
Sarah Silverman
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Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
Mitch Hedberg
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So Carol, you're a housewife and mother. And have you got any children?
Michael Barrymore
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before one actually visits them, everyone tends to think of their favorite countries as one grand Disneyland filled with national monuments and historical treasures conveniently laid out for easy viewing, when what they really are filled with, of course, is people going to work, laundromats and places to buy rat poison.
Bette Midler
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The Hypotenuse has a square on, which is equal Pythagoras instructed, to the sum of the squares on the other two sides If a triangle is cleverly constructed.
Richard Digance
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
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Someone I've always admired is Catherine O'Hara... I think she's one of the best actresses in the country, not only comedy. I just think she's just a step aside from everybody, she's just wonderful.
Fred Willard
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I've got foundation jokes, the ones that got me where I am, so everything I do just builds on top of that.
Gabriel Iglesias
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I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
Sam Kinison
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In a long meter hymn, a singer - they call it 'lays out a line.' And then the whole church joins in in repeating that line. And they form a wall of harmony so tight, you can't wedge a pin between it.
Maya Angelou
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Marriage is only good for two things: tax breaks and adultery.
Brendon Small
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I felt little awkward about taking one boyfriend to see a film starring another boyfriend.
Shelley Duvall
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I would go to work on the show and I felt awful every day, that's not the way it was. ... I felt like some kind of prostitute or something. If I feel so bad, why keep on showing up to this place? I'm going to Africa. The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.
Dave Chappelle
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A new poll showed that 66% of Americans think President Bush is doing a poor job handling the war in Iraq and the remaining 34% think that Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church.
Tina Fey
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I understand what it's like to come with your family, and to uproot yourself and come to another culture. You need a lot of support. People say, 'She's got her daughter she's got her husband.' Yeah, but she hasn't got anyone else.
Emma Thompson
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You become so encapsulated in this world of being a star. People listen to what you say, you have this voice, it becomes unreal and you become far removed from the people you came from.
Tracey Ullman
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Is there such a thing as a man-made stroke? In other words, did someone do this to (Democratic Senator Tim Johnson)? ...I know what this [Republican] party is capable of.
Joy Behar
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You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
Jeff Foxworthy
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I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
Paula Poundstone
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I never think of the completed film, rather the adventure of what I'm about to live.
Jean Dujardin
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I am a huge fan of 'Doctor Who.'
David Walliams
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