X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29295)

Page 3 of 1221
Filter & Style
Image
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. Will Rogers The reason that there are so few women comics is that so few women can bear being laughed at.
Anna Russell
Image
McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...
Graham Chapman
Image
We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.
Dylan Moran
Image
I don't want to be that guy mumbling into his drink at a bar.
Bill Murray
Image
The town I grew up in was at least fifty percent Jewish, so every weekend in the 7th grade, we went to Bar and Bat Mitzvahs.
Vanessa Bayer
Image
I feel like I know a lot of music stuff that most people my age don't know, because people that were slightly older were into it.
Vanessa Bayer
Image
When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
Jon Stewart
Image
I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
Image
There's no job in show business that's harder than any other job outside show business.
Penn Jillette
Image
The key is to do what you love.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
When I found out I could write I was shocked! I didn't know I could write.
Carl Reiner
Image
Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
Image
Worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today.
Denis Leary
Image
The secret to keeping moving is keeping moving.
Dick Van Dyke
Image
President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse but not Goofy. He had to stay behind to tend to his vice presidential duties.
Jay Leno
Image
As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I've used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you're exhausted
Paul Lynde
Image
I will never do another TV series. It couldn't top I Love Lucy, and I'd be foolish to try. In this business, you have to know when to get off.
Lucille Ball
Image
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
Image
Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.
Lewis Black
Image
I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that other guy's house.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I ain't never been in no cell that had a phone in it. Can I stay for a while? I ordered some pizza.
Eddie Murphy
Image
My idol growing up was Charlie Chaplin. I was obsessed with him. I mean, while other kids were watching Jim Carrey and the likes in the '90s, I was watching Charlie Chaplin films, because I was a bit of a geek. I became obsessed with this idea of physical comedy.
Josh Gad
Image
I started out performing as a little boy, I was trying to make my mother feel better and laugh because she was sick and in pain all the time. I found out that I had that power to relieve her.
Jim Carrey
Previous
Next