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Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29299)

Page 26 of 1221
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Sometimes it's just enough for me to have the idea. I don't need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I'm always disappointed because it's never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it's a job. I'd rather just think about it.
Amy Sedaris
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When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.
Amy Sedaris
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Before you can give of yourself to others you must know what of yourself you have to give. Every person is special. In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen.
Amy Sedaris
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Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were.
Amy Sedaris
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As my guests leave even my most simple parties, I consistently hear the same thing: 'That was the best time I ever had,' and it's always me saying it. But I do know in my heart they all feel the same way, probably.
Amy Sedaris
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Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.
Amy Sedaris
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It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.
Amy Sedaris
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If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.
Amy Sedaris
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I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.
Amy Sedaris
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Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.
Amy Sedaris
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I'm not a first-place person.
Amy Sedaris
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I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.
Amy Sedaris
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I like to play unattractive people who think they're pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.
Amy Sedaris
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I'm always more attracted to the unattractive.
Amy Sedaris
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I feel so free and open to ideas, and I get inspired by everything.
Amy Sedaris
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More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They don't like to see an ugly lady.
Amy Sedaris
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We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
Amy Sedaris
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I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.
Amy Sedaris
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I have no desire to carry a movie.
Amy Sedaris
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I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.
Amy Sedaris
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My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
Amy Sedaris
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Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Amy Sedaris
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Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.
Amy Sedaris
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I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.
Amy Sedaris
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