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Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29299)

Page 24 of 1221
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
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I'm searching for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
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I have used all the manure that has been thrown on me as fertilizer to make me stronger.
Eartha Kitt
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It's not even race it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.
J. B. Smoove
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Why can't we build orphanages next to homes for the elderly? If someone were sitting in a rocker, it wouldn't be long before a kid will be in his lap.
Cloris Leachman
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
Chelsea Handler
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Me in drag is kind of scary, actually. It's frightening. I actually look pretty good.
Carrot Top
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I wish I had a lot of tattoos.
Kristen Wiig
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Comedy is like expensive cheese. Well, it's like cheese, in general. Everybody likes what they like, and everything they don't like, they think is the worst.
W. Kamau Bell
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Some things just strike me as funny. The way things play out just makes me laugh sometimes. It drives my wife crazy sometimes because I'll just be laughing for no reason.
W. Kamau Bell
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It doesn't do any good to just be on the side of black people. The funnier comedic position is to be on the side of oppressed people in general.
W. Kamau Bell
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There's an elitism that comes out with the entertainment industry. I'll talk about some shows, but I'm not gonna say that you're dumb for watching one over the other. I just let it go. I don't have to declare a fatwa on any of these things. I've gotten over some of my elitism.
W. Kamau Bell
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We could do something set in the 21st century, where I travel around to lots of different places and we talk to different ethnicities and lots of different racial and religious minorities, so it's not just the black-and-white America it hasn't been that since the '90s.
W. Kamau Bell
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Portland is often trumpeted as being one of America's coolest, hippest cities. I've been to Portland many times, and I'm always like, Yeah it's cool and hip, but also, where are all the black people? Why is this city so cool and hip, and also keeping the black people away?
W. Kamau Bell
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I never realized I could love people as much as I do now.
George Lopez
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A lot of comics claimed to be political comedians when George W. Bush was in office just by calling him an idiot. For me, Obama is actually more interesting comically, because not everybody can figure it out.
W. Kamau Bell
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
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Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Rebel children, I urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory.
Russell Brand
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