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Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29298)

Page 21 of 1221
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
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You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
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Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
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