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Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29297)

Page 14 of 1221
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You know what I would do? I would remake The Wizard of Oz with Robin Williams, and that's it. Just let him do the whole dang thing by himself.
Frank Caliendo
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As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
Billy Crystal
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I would be good for maybe not the center square but an upper square on 'Hollywood Squares.'
John Hodgman
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Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.
Karl Pilkington
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Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century.
David Letterman
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I'm tryin' to think, but nothin' happens!
Curly Howard
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It's kind of hard to believe that people love me.
Andy Dick
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I know what you wanted to say, Do you think that electrocution rewired your brain to make you the retard that you are? You can say it, lady.
Andy Dick
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I laugh when I see people in pain. Sometimes I think it is a defense mechanism from childhood, where you're in so much pain you have to laugh. It is a survival mechanism.
Andy Dick
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I believed in God my whole life.
Andy Dick
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I believed in God my whole life, and then strayed away from it in my teen-age years, until recently.
Andy Dick
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I guess I'm odd-looking. I'm skinny. But I'm not only skinny - I'm oddly shaped.
Andy Dick
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Straight people say, 'You know you're just gay,' and gay people say, 'You know you're just gay.' There is such a thing as bisexual!
Andy Dick
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I have a couple of ideas for shows that I would love to bring to fruition in some way at some point.
Andy Daly
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You ought to be able to wear your character like a Lycra bodysuit.
Andy Daly
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When you're coming up with your philosophy and approach to performing comedy, you take special note of the things you disagree with as much as the things you agree with.
Andy Daly
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It's great fun to memorize somebody's biography, and then liberally play with the real facts of their life and go a step beyond reality.
Andy Daly
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
Emo Philips
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
Andy Borowitz
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
Andy Borowitz
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
Andy Borowitz
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
Andy Borowitz
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
Andy Borowitz
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
Andy Borowitz
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