X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29297)

Page 12 of 1221
Filter & Style
Image
I still have a fondness for books. Many a time I will be antiquing, and I'll say, 'What's that old-timey curio over there? What is that, a candlestick telephone, one of those old pull-chain toilets? Oh no, it's a book. I used to help make those things! I will buy it and use it to decorate my chain of casual family-dining restaurants.
John Hodgman
Image
Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush otherwise you'll look like a patchwork quilt.
Lucille Ball
Image
I was thrilled to work opposite Carl Reiner and Robert De Niro. Mr. Reiner was very chatty and delightful, but I learned that if you want Robert De Niro to like you, don't speak at all, and he'll be friendly to you.
Janeane Garofalo
Image
Big L is my favorite rapper of all time. He got killed quite a few years ago now but I think he's amazing and he kind of inspires me like his style inspires me. I don't think there's been anyone better since. I mean, Biggie Smalls is definitely on the top of the list but Big L is like the underdog, I like to give him the edge.
Andy Milonakis
Image
I just want $1 million next season, that's all I want
Andy Milonakis
Image
There's a side that I want to do just like really retarded arty films … like parody, pretentious art films that kind of are supposed to have some deep meaning.
Andy Milonakis
Image
I'’ve been a Hip-Hop head forever. So when it turned out that we were gonna start getting celebrity guests for every show, I wanted rap guys from the get-go.
Andy Milonakis
Image
There’s not a lot of music videos that are totally, totally disturbing.
Andy Milonakis
Image
There’s little kids on trains coming up to me, singing my theme song, and they can barely walk.
Andy Milonakis
Image
I'm going to write a whole pilot and see if anyone's interested, and if not then I'll just live out the tortured life instead of showing it on TV.
Andy Milonakis
Image
I'm a huge fan of Big L. He is my favorite rapper.
Andy Milonakis
Image
I don't know why I do what I do. I tend to go for the really weird, bizarre stuff. I actually have to tone it down for the show.
Andy Milonakis
Image
We should all spend some time of our life doing service to our country. To me, I would give up a couple of years.
Michael Moore
Image
Your face makes my soul want to eat chocolate pudding!
Andy Milonakis
Image
I had sadness for breakfast.
Andy Milonakis
Image
Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.
Andy Kindler
Image
It gets boring at home. How many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on TV?
Bud Abbott
Image
Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.
Andy Kindler
Image
Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.
Andy Kindler
Image
Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended.
Andy Kindler
Image
I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.
Andy Kindler
Image
I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.
Andy Kindler
Image
I noticed whenever you call information, 411, there's always a computer voice, and they go, 'What number would you like? City and state, please.' 'Yeah, I'd like the number of Macy's in Century City, California.' 'Did you say 'pretzel nuggets'?
Andy Kindler
Image
I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.
Andy Kindler
Previous
Next