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Comedian Inspirational Quotes (29327)

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So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
Sam Kinison
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And if there is sweeter music this side of heaven I haven't heard it.
Buster Keaton
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Being the youngest of five, you're adored, you're fueled with confidence.
Martin Short
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I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.
Tina Fey
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Steven Wright
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I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
David Letterman
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I like the cover, he said. Don't Panic. It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day.
Douglas Adams
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Vengeance, is good. You give it, you get it. It's all part of what makes us human. So thank god for vengeance. Otherwise, the human race might as well just roll over and let another species for a while. I think it will be the cats. Watch 'em. They're cooking up something.
Christopher Titus
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Relationships shouldn't be disposable. If there's something worth saving - not always the case, some relationships are irreconcilable - but if there is something that you determine is worth saving, then try to do that.
Steve Carell
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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres
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All I can ask from society is that it please stop telling me why I should like sports.
John Hodgman
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My greatest blessing has been the birth of my son. My next greatest blessing has been my ability to turn people into children of mine.
Maya Angelou
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Having your own show, where you're not in trouble all the time, because you're kind of the boss, is a wonderful experience. If I made mistakes everyone was very nice to me.
Jim Jefferies
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Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.
Chris Rock
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What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.
Doug Stanhope
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Women do fool around. But the reason they don't get caught is that when a woman mess with a man he lives cross town, out of town. Fellas we mess with next door neighbor, co-worker, wondering why she found out.
Bruce Bruce
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I approach the film business the way I feel about self-esteem. It's something that has to be maintained. That's kind of how I feel about positive roles in Hollywood. They have to be maintained. You have to purposefully, intentionally try to make the right type of films. And the more people that do that, the more things will continue to improve.
Queen Latifah
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People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.
Jay Leno
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There's a lot of cynicism. Let's really enjoy Christmas, with all that's going on in the world.
Bob Newhart
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Growing up at my grandmother's table, she always had rice. She might do something as exotic as potatoes or spaghetti, but there was still always rice, just in case you needed a little rice fix.
Maya Angelou
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You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.
Aziz Ansari
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A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?
Pat Paulsen
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I actually went to film school, but I didnt like it. Im basically self-taught.
Judah Friedlander
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Many believe that Hillary Clinton was channeling President Obama during her recent speech in New York City. She focused on equality, justice, and how hard it was for her growing up as a young black man in Hawaii.
Jimmy Fallon
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