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Humorist Inspirational Quotes (4612)

Page 6 of 193
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This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literature suited to his mental powers.
P. G. Wodehouse
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My ideal guy is my future husband. Not sure who he is yet, but he's out there.
Tyler Oakley
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There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
Robert Benchley
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... it takes several years of serious fishing before a man learns enough to go through a whole season with an unblemished record of physical and spiritual anguish.
Ed Zern
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Tourism as a number-one industry is a terrible, terrible idea for any city, especially New York. If you were going to turn a city, which is a place where people live, into a tourist attraction, you're going to have to make it a place that people who don't live here, like. So I object to living in a place for people who don't live here.
Fran Lebowitz
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The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.
Will Cuppy
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I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.
Will Cuppy
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Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.
Will Cuppy
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A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.
Will Cuppy
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The hippopotamus looks monogamous- he looks as if he would have to be.
Will Cuppy
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Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.
Will Cuppy
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It's easy to see the faults in people, I know and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.
Will Cuppy
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During his fifteen years in Italy, Hannibal never had enough elephants to suit him. Most of the original group succumbed to the climate, and he was always begging Carthage for more, but the people at home were stingy. They would ask if he thought they were made of elephants and what had he done with the elephants they sent before.
Will Cuppy
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If a cat does something, we call it instinct if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.
Will Cuppy
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I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.
Will Cuppy
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Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.
Will Cuppy
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It is because of his brain that he [modern man] has risen above the animals. Guess which animals he has risen above.
Will Cuppy
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[Footnote:] The Dotterel weighs only four ounces. It has long been a scientific riddle how so much wrong-headedness can manage to exist in so small a space. Still, there's the Least Gnatcatcher.
Will Cuppy
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Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.
Will Cuppy
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The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.
Will Cuppy
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[Footnote:] To give the Beaver his due, he does things because he has to do them, not because he believes that hard work per se will somehow make him a better Beaver -- the Beaver may be dumb, but he is not that dumb! The Beaver was made to gnaw, and gnaw he does. There you have him in a nutshell.
Will Cuppy
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We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.
Will Cuppy
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We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.
Will Cuppy
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Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A.D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't.
Will Cuppy
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