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Humorist Inspirational Quotes (4612)

Page 4 of 193
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
Evan Esar
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No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds - November!
Thomas Hood
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
Mark Twain
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It is not the being paid money in advance that jars the sensitive artist: it is the having to work.
P. G. Wodehouse
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A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
Helen Rowland
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And verily, a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.
Helen Rowland
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.
Evan Esar
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The heart is the real fountain of youth.
Mark Twain
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Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.
Kin Hubbard
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You want to be very careful about lying otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.
Mark Twain
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Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.
Nora Ephron
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
Fran Lebowitz
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One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the mounting deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.
Dave Barry
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
Robert Benchley
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
Mark Twain
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One I'm deeply into is Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals. I was the only person in the US who hadn't read it.
Dave Barry
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[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.
Mark Twain
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Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw.
Josh Billings
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I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?
Sam Levenson
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You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.
Mark Twain
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It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.
Mark Twain
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