X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Parody Inspirational Quotes (61)

Page 2 of 3
Filter & Style
Image
I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.
Jay Mohr
Image
If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.
Jay Mohr
Image
It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is easy I can do it in my sleep. They all know it by heart. I did it on The Simpsons. I'm surprised that people still want to hear it.
Jay Mohr
Image
I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.
Jay Mohr
Image
We all shared this experience. We all had one brain, we were one giant organism working and having joy. What about Walken? Sorry, bro...Maybe I should've done an hour and 34 minutes.
Jay Mohr
Image
I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.
Jay Mohr
Image
I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.
Jay Mohr
Image
All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.
Jay Mohr
Image
But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.
Jay Mohr
Image
After spending the last 15 years guest hosting, I couldn't be happier to get the opportunity to host my own show! I'm looking forward to talking sports, connecting with listeners, and interviewing amazing guests every day, while being a part of the FOX Sports Radio family. It was worth the wait.
Jay Mohr
Image
I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to.
Jay Mohr
Image
I had a calling, this is what happened, I've explained the story many times. I've had my priest on, I've had atheists on. When I explain my conversion to atheists, my personal series of events, they go, Oh, alright.
Jay Mohr
Image
This happens to me every couple of years. I'll look at someone I respect and I'll realize that he's outworking me. It changes the way I behave for the next half decade.
Jay Mohr
Image
[George Carlin] was obsessive about time he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things shorter and more perfect. He did an HBO hour every other year. It's live you have to be off-stage at 55 minutes. It's a network you've got to be off. And it's perfect.
Jay Mohr
Image
You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.
Jay Mohr
Image
I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.
Jay Mohr
Image
There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, Oh, now I'm getting it. Now I can't wait to get back out there because I'm better than ever.
Jay Mohr
Image
If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.
Jay Mohr
Image
I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.
Jay Mohr
Image
Yogi Berra put it best, If people don't want to come, we can't stop them.
Jay Mohr
Image
There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the Hippie Dippie Weatherman on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. Forecast for tonight? Dark.
Jay Mohr
Image
You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.
Jay Mohr
Image
If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.
Jay Mohr
Image
I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, I don't know. It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD. Owning your own content is the single most important thing in the world.
Jay Mohr
Previous
Next