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Comedienne Inspirational Quotes (212)

Page 9 of 9
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
Phyllis Diller
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
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How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them.
Lucille Ball
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remember to recognize the small successes that you will have. Don't let the brightness of that big goal blind you to what happens on the way toward the goal. Meet one wave at a time and enjoy what progress you make. I want you please not to be taken up in the undertow of pessimism.
Lucille Ball
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
Phyllis Diller
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
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This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.
Gracie Allen
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
Phyllis Diller
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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Some of those STINKIN' press people just had to make fun of my decision in joining the show. They also made fun of other choices in my life that I was proud of then and still am now!!!
Ruth Buzzi
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
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Love yourself first and everything falls into line.
Lucille Ball
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
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My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.
Gracie Allen
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