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Comedienne Inspirational Quotes (212)

Page 7 of 9
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Luck? Luck is hard work - and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't.
Lucille Ball
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?
Gracie Allen
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I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.
Gracie Allen
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
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I was shy for several years in my early days in Hollywood until I figured out that no one really gave a damn if I was shy or not, and I got over my shyness.
Lucille Ball
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One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
Lucille Ball
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
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I've waited all my life to say this... I weigh less than Elizabeth Taylor!
Totie Fields
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
Phyllis Diller
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Every politician must be able to keep both feet on the fence with his ear to the ground.
Gracie Allen
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
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I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
Totie Fields
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Phyllis Diller
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Its so very important as to what a child watches on TV. I feel for every parent that knows this, and cares, because they only have control of the childs viewing to a certain point.
Ruth Buzzi
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
Phyllis Diller
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