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Comedienne Inspirational Quotes (212)

Page 4 of 9
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
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The original Dean Martin Comedy Hour handed me some hysterical sketches. I've got highlights on tons of these variety shows, given to me by their great writers. I'd love to be doing all that again.
Ruth Buzzi
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A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.
Gracie Allen
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I had to give myself permission to act, then others agreed.
Edie McClurg
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
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Gracie: Don't give up, Blanche. Women don't do that. Look at Betsy Ross, Martha Washington-they didn't give up. Look at Nina Jones. Blanche Morton: Nina Jones? Gracie: I've never heard of her either, because she gave up.
Gracie Allen
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
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Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.
Gracie Allen
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
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Self-doubt kills talent.
Edie McClurg
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
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This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.
Gracie Allen
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All mothers are working mothers.
Phyllis Diller
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You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.
Gracie Allen
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
Phyllis Diller
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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My nephews all look at me differently now. Before, they couldn't relate to me, and now I'm like a god.
Ruth Buzzi
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
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