X
Sort by
Popular
Recent
Quote length
All
Short
Medium
Long
Sentiment
All
Positive
Negative
Neutral
Change font
Original
Change background
Images
Black
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Steven Wright Inspirational Quotes (305)
Page 13 of 13
English
Nederlands
Francais
Espanol
Deutch
Italiano
Türk
हिंदी
日本
Polskie
Português
Pусский
中国人
Cebuano
Tagalog
العربية
বাংলা
한국어
Latinus
Melayu
Norsk
ਪੰਜਾਬੀ
Svenska
ภาษาไทย
tiếng Việt
Filter & Style
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
Previous
Next