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Rodney Dangerfield Inspirational Quotes (230)

Page 6 of 10
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
Rodney Dangerfield
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
Rodney Dangerfield
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
Rodney Dangerfield
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