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Rodney Dangerfield Inspirational Quotes (230)

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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
Rodney Dangerfield
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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