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Rodney Dangerfield Inspirational Quotes (230)

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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
Rodney Dangerfield
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
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