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Red Buttons Inspirational Quotes (60)

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Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!
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Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!
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Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner!
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The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner!
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Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!
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George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.
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Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner!
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Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner!
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Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!
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Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner!
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Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, Is all that for me? Never got a dinner!
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Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!
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Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner!
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Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!
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Noah's wife, who said to him after 40 days and 40 nights, It's your turn to spread the papers on the floor! Never got a dinner!
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Saint Christopher, who said, Where can I get a Frank Sinatra medal? Never got a dinner!
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John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!
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Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!
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The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner!
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Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a dinner!
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Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!
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Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner!
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The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!
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Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!
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