X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Lewis Grizzard Inspirational Quotes (23)

Page 1 of 1
Filter & Style
Image
The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi
Lewis Grizzard
Image
If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Spring time is the land awakening.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
There's no such thing as being too Southern.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Let's all start walking more and driving less.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work.
Lewis Grizzard
Image
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
Lewis Grizzard