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Karl Pilkington Inspirational Quotes (118)

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Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.
Karl Pilkington
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She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?
Karl Pilkington
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I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.
Karl Pilkington
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People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?
Karl Pilkington
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Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer.
Karl Pilkington
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I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
Karl Pilkington
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Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them? Because one day we're going to run out.
Karl Pilkington
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I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
Karl Pilkington
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By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.
Karl Pilkington
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It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.
Karl Pilkington
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The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.
Karl Pilkington
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As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.
Karl Pilkington
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I came up with a good idea... see-through skin.
Karl Pilkington
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A problem solved is a problem caused.
Karl Pilkington
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This is the problem with over-crowded inner-city schools there aren't enough parts for everyone in the nativity story.
Karl Pilkington
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Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.
Karl Pilkington
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I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.
Karl Pilkington
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The Tudors, I don't even know if I had a family back then.
Karl Pilkington
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It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.
Karl Pilkington
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The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’
Karl Pilkington
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There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly
Karl Pilkington
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And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
Karl Pilkington
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Be the ugly one, look at the nice one.
Karl Pilkington
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A block of blood should not have the word cake after it...they might as well say shite gateau
Karl Pilkington
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