X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Joan Rivers Inspirational Quotes (193)

Page 8 of 9
Filter & Style
Image
I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
Image
Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
Image
I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
Joan Rivers
Image
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
Image
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
Image
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
Image
You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
Image
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers
Image
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
Image
My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
Joan Rivers
Image
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
Image
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
Image
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
Image
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
Image
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
Joan Rivers
Image
I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
Image
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
Image
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
Image
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers
Image
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
Image
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
Image
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
Image
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
Previous
Next