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Jerry Seinfeld Inspirational Quotes (157)

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I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings
Jerry Seinfeld
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You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
Jerry Seinfeld
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Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.
Jerry Seinfeld
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I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
Jerry Seinfeld
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
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When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.
Jerry Seinfeld
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But I don't want to be a pirate!
Jerry Seinfeld
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That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’
Jerry Seinfeld
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light' but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry Seinfeld
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The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
Jerry Seinfeld
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What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
Jerry Seinfeld
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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
Jerry Seinfeld
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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
Jerry Seinfeld
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I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son
Jerry Seinfeld
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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld
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You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
Jerry Seinfeld
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I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Jerry Seinfeld
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Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people.
Jerry Seinfeld
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That's why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, I could do that! He's not that good.
Jerry Seinfeld
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