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Jay Leno Inspirational Quotes (514)

Page 6 of 22
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I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went 'Booo! Booo!' and was throwing stuff. I had to say 'Governor Davis just shut up and sit down!'
Jay Leno
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It's cold out. It's even cold in Florida. So cold today that Katherine Harris put on a third layer of makeup.
Jay Leno
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President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything.
Jay Leno
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CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.
Jay Leno
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A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.
Jay Leno
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President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he's sweating a lot more during his second term
Jay Leno
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Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who couldn't be more thrilled with this? The press, the reporters who follow the president. Well, think about it. After eight years of spending every holiday cutting brush in Crawford, Texas, they get to go to Hawaii!
Jay Leno
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Fox News has changed its slogan from 'Fair and Balanced' to 'See, I told you so!'
Jay Leno
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As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never quite explain how they got out of serving their country in Vietnam.
Jay Leno
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Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left.
Jay Leno
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They say there are something like 12 million illegal immigrants in the country right now, with another half a million coming every year. Remember in the last election when the Democrats claimed there was two Americas? Turns out one of them was Mexico.
Jay Leno
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If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
Jay Leno
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Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.
Jay Leno
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Attorney General John Ashcroft has been hospitalized. I believe he is suffering from homophobia. No, actually, it was just gallstones, but when they gave him the hospital gown that opens in the back, he refused to wear it, he thought it was a gay wedding dress.
Jay Leno
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Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio.
Jay Leno
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Even Arnold's adviser says he was shocked by his decision to run. I mean, his people were backstage that night and they had no idea. He totally fooled them. Who knew Arnold was that good of an actor? If he had done that in a movie, he'd have an Academy Award by now.
Jay Leno
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This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it white people.
Jay Leno
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Anybody can have a life. Careers are hard to come by.
Jay Leno
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Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
Jay Leno
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Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and bad toupees.
Jay Leno
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Every year Steve Kaufman supports the charity “Love Ride” by donating a painting to this cause.
Jay Leno
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President Obama said in an interview over the weekend that he really misses being anonymous. He said, 'I miss Saturday mornings rolling out of bed and not shaving, going to the market...' Be careful what you wish for, 2012 is just around the corner!
Jay Leno
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With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000.
Jay Leno
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Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch - the environment hurting Bush.
Jay Leno
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