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Henny Youngman Inspirational Quotes (132)

Page 6 of 6
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
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