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Groucho Marx Inspirational Quotes (200)

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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
Groucho Marx
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
Groucho Marx
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
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Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
Groucho Marx
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Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
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I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
Groucho Marx
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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
Groucho Marx
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It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
Groucho Marx
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
Groucho Marx
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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
Groucho Marx
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Groucho Marx
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
Groucho Marx
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
Groucho Marx
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
Groucho Marx
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Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
Groucho Marx
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
Groucho Marx
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
Groucho Marx
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