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Evan Esar Inspirational Quotes (107)

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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
Evan Esar
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A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
Evan Esar
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
Evan Esar
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Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.
Evan Esar
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
Evan Esar
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Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
Evan Esar
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Don't tear your hair out over a woman it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.
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The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
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All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.
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There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
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Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
Evan Esar
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There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
Evan Esar
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You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.
Evan Esar
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
Evan Esar
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The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
Evan Esar
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The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
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A dollar saved is a dollar earned but seldom vice versa.
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Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
Evan Esar
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Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
Evan Esar
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
Evan Esar
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