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Dov Davidoff Inspirational Quotes (157)

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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Dov Davidoff
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
Dov Davidoff
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
Dov Davidoff
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
Dov Davidoff
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
Dov Davidoff
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
Dov Davidoff
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
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I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
Dov Davidoff
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
Dov Davidoff
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Dov Davidoff
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Dov Davidoff
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Dov Davidoff
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
Dov Davidoff
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
Dov Davidoff
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
Dov Davidoff
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
Dov Davidoff
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Dov Davidoff
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
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Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
Dov Davidoff
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
Dov Davidoff
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
Dov Davidoff
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