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Demetri Martin Inspirational Quotes (287)

Page 6 of 12
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
Demetri Martin
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
Demetri Martin
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
Demetri Martin
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri Martin
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
Demetri Martin
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
Demetri Martin
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