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David Letterman Inspirational Quotes (371)

Page 7 of 16
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As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.
David Letterman
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John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.
David Letterman
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If I can be serious now, and I have the feeling I can.
David Letterman
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Don't kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here's how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In this country global warming is so bad, we are now actually starting to warm up to Barry Bonds.
David Letterman
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Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!
David Letterman
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Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.
David Letterman
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The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?
David Letterman
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Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
David Letterman
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At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
David Letterman
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People say we need royalty. We have royalty in the United States - the Kardashians.
David Letterman
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New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The last Republican president wasn't even fluent in English.
David Letterman
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President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen.
David Letterman
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This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.
David Letterman
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Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
David Letterman
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You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.
David Letterman
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New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.
David Letterman
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The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
David Letterman
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The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.
David Letterman
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United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
David Letterman
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So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.
David Letterman
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President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.
David Letterman
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Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America. When Rick Perry heard that, he said, 'Well that's nothing. I like to execute people.'
David Letterman
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Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen.
David Letterman
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The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you really think about them. And then the fun begins.
David Letterman
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