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David Letterman Inspirational Quotes (372)

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Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.
David Letterman
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President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.
David Letterman
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It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
David Letterman
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Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
David Letterman
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The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
David Letterman
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I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest.'
David Letterman
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The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
David Letterman
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Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They're going to hike to the top of his money.
David Letterman
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Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie.
David Letterman
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Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.
David Letterman
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We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves.
David Letterman
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Life experience is the best teacher.
David Letterman
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I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!
David Letterman
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Vladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.
David Letterman
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Why we are here: To tremble at the terrible beauty of the stars, to shed a tear at the perfection of Beethoven's symphonies, and to crack a cold one now and then.
David Letterman
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And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
David Letterman
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You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is back home in the United States. And we sent them some prisoners. The deal still has to be approved by President Obama and Bud Selig.
David Letterman
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One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.
David Letterman
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The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has new balloons this year including the Pillsbury Doughboy balloon and the first openly gay balloon. Also the Thomas Tank Engine balloon, and they even have the Ebola nurse balloon.
David Letterman
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Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.
David Letterman
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Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.
David Letterman
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
David Letterman
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Love: You can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun.
David Letterman
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Overall Bush's European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group.
David Letterman
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