X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Dave Barry Inspirational Quotes (433)

Page 1 of 19
Filter & Style
Image
Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.
Dave Barry
Image
Generally the pythons are better than anything else at killing.
Dave Barry
Image
Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
Dave Barry
Image
It was not easy victory in the America Cup. Our boys spent years experimenting with different designs for their boat before they came up with the innovative idea of having a submerged nuclear submarine tow it.
Dave Barry
Image
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the mounting deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.
Dave Barry
Image
One I'm deeply into is Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals. I was the only person in the US who hadn't read it.
Dave Barry
Image
The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.
Dave Barry
Image
I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.
Dave Barry
Image
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
Dave Barry
Image
It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to get involved in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.
Dave Barry
Image
There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.
Dave Barry
Image
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Dave Barry
Image
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
Dave Barry
Image
Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
Dave Barry
Image
Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.
Dave Barry
Image
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
Dave Barry
Image
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry
Image
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.
Dave Barry
Image
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Dave Barry
Image
I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.
Dave Barry
Image
Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
Dave Barry
Image
Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say 'EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT' instead of 'RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES'.
Dave Barry
Image
She wanted to cry, but she did not want Peter to see her cry, and she especially did not want Teacher, with her flowing hair, to see her cry.
Dave Barry
Image
Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.
Dave Barry
Previous
Next