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Craig Ferguson Inspirational Quotes (210)

Page 6 of 9
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Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.
Craig Ferguson
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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
Craig Ferguson
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There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.
Craig Ferguson
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Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White House because I'm not an American.' And then Prince William said, 'Yeah, me too.'
Craig Ferguson
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Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.
Craig Ferguson
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I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.
Craig Ferguson
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They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.
Craig Ferguson
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There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on.
Craig Ferguson
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Craig Ferguson
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Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.
Craig Ferguson
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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
Craig Ferguson
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Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden.
Craig Ferguson
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Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you're not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.
Craig Ferguson
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Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
Craig Ferguson
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Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.
Craig Ferguson
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Bush's memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles.
Craig Ferguson
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Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they're straight. It's over!
Craig Ferguson
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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
Craig Ferguson
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There is a new survey out about the happiest professions. I think the whole premise is flawed. You're supposed to find true happiness outside of work. From friends, family, and YouTube videos of old people falling down.
Craig Ferguson
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The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Craig Ferguson
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I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.
Craig Ferguson
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It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.
Craig Ferguson
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In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To deny Social Security benefits to Nazis. So from now on, no SS for the SS.
Craig Ferguson
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A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?
Craig Ferguson
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