Clement Freud Inspirational Quotes (11)

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to pickle it in Napoleon brandy with wild strawberries. If it says tweet it is a dear and precious friend and you'd better lay off it if you want to remain a member of Boodles.

I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.