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Chelsea Handler Inspirational Quotes (154)

Page 6 of 7
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I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
Chelsea Handler
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I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
Chelsea Handler
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You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
Chelsea Handler
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If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
Chelsea Handler
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
Chelsea Handler
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My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
Chelsea Handler
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
Chelsea Handler
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
Chelsea Handler
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
Chelsea Handler
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
Chelsea Handler
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
Chelsea Handler
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
Chelsea Handler
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
Chelsea Handler
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
Chelsea Handler
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
Chelsea Handler
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
Chelsea Handler
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Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
Chelsea Handler
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
Chelsea Handler
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
Chelsea Handler
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
Chelsea Handler
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They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
Chelsea Handler
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
Chelsea Handler
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
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