X

Sort by

Quote length

Sentiment

Change font

Change background

Adam Carolla Inspirational Quotes (135)

Page 3 of 6
Filter & Style
Image
I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.
Adam Carolla
Image
If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
Adam Carolla
Image
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
Adam Carolla
Image
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
Adam Carolla
Image
You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
Adam Carolla
Image
Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
Adam Carolla
Image
Everyone keeps saying, Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating. It's like saying, How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt? I don't care.
Adam Carolla
Image
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
Adam Carolla
Image
If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.
Adam Carolla
Image
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
Adam Carolla
Image
I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
Adam Carolla
Image
People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'
Adam Carolla
Image
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
Adam Carolla
Image
What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
Adam Carolla
Image
I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine I just happen to be from that world.
Adam Carolla
Image
If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
Adam Carolla
Image
All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
Adam Carolla
Image
The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
Adam Carolla
Image
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.
Adam Carolla
Image
I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
Adam Carolla
Image
My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
Adam Carolla
Image
Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
Adam Carolla
Image
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
Adam Carolla
Image
People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
Adam Carolla
Previous
Next