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Adam Carolla Inspirational Quotes (135)

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If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.
Adam Carolla
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
Adam Carolla
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I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
Adam Carolla
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I'd never hurt another person.
Adam Carolla
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People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.
Adam Carolla
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I'm a comedian, not a politician.
Adam Carolla
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
Adam Carolla
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
Adam Carolla
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I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.
Adam Carolla
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
Adam Carolla
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
Adam Carolla
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.
Adam Carolla
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
Adam Carolla
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
Adam Carolla
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I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.
Adam Carolla
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
Adam Carolla
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Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!
Adam Carolla
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When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.
Adam Carolla
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
Adam Carolla
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
Adam Carolla
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
Adam Carolla
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
Adam Carolla
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
Adam Carolla
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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
Adam Carolla
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