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You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
Zach Galifianakis
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Zach Galifianakis
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: October 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Zacharius Knight Galifinakis
Zachary Knight Galifianakis
Humor
Getting
Funny
Socks
Sock
Fats
Fit
More quotes by Zach Galifianakis
A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
Zach Galifianakis
People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all that stuff. I mean, the Internet is the only reason that I've gotten work is because I've somehow created a line and people have seen it. And then I've been asked to auditions.
Zach Galifianakis
I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.
Zach Galifianakis
I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the romanticism about being on the road is you get to meet a lot of - my mom once told me, You've probably got a woman at every port. Like I'm a pirate. Obviously she doesn't know her son that well.
Zach Galifianakis
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says Forever.
Zach Galifianakis
I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
Zach Galifianakis
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
Zach Galifianakis
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.
Zach Galifianakis
I call my balls the bush twins.
Zach Galifianakis
My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
Zach Galifianakis
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
Zach Galifianakis
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called God, I Hope That's a Mole.
Zach Galifianakis
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
Zach Galifianakis
Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery. I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Zach Galifianakis
I have to stop crying when I watch The View. It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
Zach Galifianakis
I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .
Zach Galifianakis
I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
Zach Galifianakis
You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.
Zach Galifianakis
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
Zach Galifianakis
